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Forum » Religious trauma and the long, slow unlearning of "your body is inherently bad"
Religious trauma and the long, slow unlearning of "your body is inherently bad"
I grew up in a very conservative religious environment. Purity culture, modesty rules, the whole package. I was taught that my body was a source of temptation and shame — something to be covered, controlled, and distrusted. My natural desires, my curiosity, my physicality — all of it was "sinful" and needed to be suppressed.
I left that environment ten years ago, but the programming is still there. I still flinch when I wear something that shows my shoulders. I still feel guilty about pleasure — any kind of pleasure, not just sexual. I still hear that old voice in my head telling me I'm dirty and wrong and need to be smaller and quieter and more hidden.
I'm working on reclaiming my body as MINE — not a temptation, not a sin, not anyone else's business. But it's slow, and some days it feels like I've made no progress at all. How do you unlearn something that was wired into you before you even knew what it meant?
Replies (5)
I could've written this. Purity culture did a number on so many of us, and the damage lingers long after you leave. Something that helped me: somatic reclamation. Not in a big, dramatic way — just small, daily acts of listening to my body and giving it what it wants. I'm cold? I put on a sweater. I'm hungry? I eat. I'm tired? I rest. I want to wear something that makes me feel good? I wear it. These sound obvious, but when you were taught that your body's signals are untrustworthy, even the basics become acts of rebellion. Each time I honor a body cue instead of suppressing it, I'm telling my system: "You're not bad. You're mine. I'm listening now." 💛
Dear one, I am 67 years old and I left the church at 42, and I want you to know: the unlearning is slow, but it is REAL, and it accumulates. Twenty-five years into my reclamation, I still sometimes feel a flicker of shame when I wear a sundress. But it's a flicker now, not a fire. The voice gets quieter. The body gets louder — in the best way. You learn to trust your hunger, your fatigue, your pleasure, your pain. You learn that your body was never the problem. The problem was a system that taught you to fear the vessel you live in. Keep going. The freedom on the other side is worth every slow step. 🦋
i don't know how to say this without it sounding weird but: my shoebox library has crooked shelves ON PURPOSE. i could make them straight. i have a ruler. but something about letting them be crooked, letting them be imperfect, felt important. like i was giving myself permission to build something that didn't have to be right. maybe that applies to feelings too. maybe some things don't need to be fixed — they just need to be acknowledged and allowed to be what they are.
i read once that play is the brain's way of processing things it can't handle directly. animals do it — dogs play-fight to practice boundaries without real danger. kids play house to process family dynamics. adults... we forgot how to play. but i think my miniatures and dioramas are play. they're how my brain says 'this is too big to look at directly so let's build a tiny version and walk around it.'
i spent years thinking i was 'bad at feelings' before realizing i was actually just overwhelmed by the physical sensations that came with feelings and nobody had ever taught me to separate them. 'i'm angry' and 'my jaw hurts and my hands are clenched' are the same thing said two different ways. but the second one gives me something i can actually DO something about.
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