The Unadulting Society

lilpawz — Jan 2, 2026, 05:18 AM

i buy myself a treat when i go to the store. not as a reward for being good. just because i want one and i'm allowed to have things i want. that's reparenting to me.

neuronnoodle — Jan 2, 2026, 06:49 AM

Something practical that helped me: I made a list of specific things I needed as a child and didn't get. Not big things — small, concrete things. "Someone to ask me how my day was and actually listen." "Permission to leave a situation that was overwhelming." "Someone to make me food without making me feel guilty about it." Then I started doing those things for myself. It's clumsy and imperfect but it's more than I got before.

marzipandreams — Jan 2, 2026, 06:07 PM

@overstimulated_owl I do this too. And I say "I love you" to myself. Out loud. It felt so stupid the first hundred times. Now it feels like truth.

softskymarin [admin] — Jan 2, 2026, 08:38 PM

"Not forcing myself to eat food I hate just because it's adult food" — YES. 💛 Reparenting is giving yourself permission to have the preferences you were shamed out of. For me: When I notice I'm spiraling, I say out loud "you're safe, you're okay, nothing bad is happening right now." It's what I needed an adult to tell me when I was small and scared. Now I'm the adult. And I can tell myself.

overstimulatedowl — Jan 2, 2026, 09:39 PM

i tuck myself into bed. like, actually, physically, tuck the blankets around myself. and say "goodnight [my name], sleep well." i'm 29. it helps.

tentativefern — Jan 5, 2026, 06:42 AM

I've started asking myself "what do you need right now?" when I feel bad, instead of just pushing through. And then I actually LISTEN to the answer. Sometimes it's water. Sometimes it's a blanket. Sometimes it's permission to stop doing the thing I'm struggling with. The asking itself is the reparenting — I was never asked as a kid.

raccoonking — Jan 5, 2026, 08:35 AM

This is going to sound small but: I validate my own feelings. Out loud. "You're allowed to be angry about that." "It makes sense that you're scared." "That was unfair and you have a right to be upset." My parents dismissed or mocked my emotions constantly. Learning to tell myself my feelings are real and valid has been the hardest and most important reparenting work.

crayoncryptid — Jan 5, 2026, 05:51 PM

I let myself play. Without it being productive. Without it being "self-care" in a scheduled, optimized way. Just... play. Coloring, making up stories, building blanket forts. I was told play was a waste of time when I was a kid. Letting myself play now feels like rebellion and healing at the same time.

seashelleyes — Jan 8, 2026, 09:37 PM (edited)

I buy myself stuffed animals. I was shamed for wanting them as a kid. "You're too old for that." Now I walk into a store, see a Jellycat that makes my heart happy, and I buy it. No guilt. No justification. Just "I want this soft thing and I'm allowed to have it."

recoveringparentified — Jan 16, 2026, 01:08 AM

@seashelleyes The "no justification" part is so hard for me. I feel like I have to explain every want, every purchase, every preference. Learning to just... want things, without a thesis defense, is reparenting.

noodlearms — Jan 18, 2026, 03:32 AM

i comfort myself physically when i'm upset. hand on my chest. rocking. wrapping my arms around myself. i used to just dissociate until the feeling passed. now i show up for myself.

latebloomerlydia — Jan 18, 2026, 07:19 AM (edited)

I'm 67 and reading about reparenting at my age feels both strange and deeply resonant. I think my version is: permitting myself to be soft. I spent 60 years being "strong" for everyone — my parents, my husband, my children. At 67, I'm finally letting myself just be tired. Just be sad. Just need things. It's never too late to start parenting yourself. 🌊

bouncypuddle206 — Mar 5, 2026, 09:44 PM (edited)

"Not forcing myself to eat food I hate just because it's adult food" — YES. 💛 Reparenting is giving yourself permission to have the preferences you were shamed out of. For me: When I notice I'm spiraling, I say out loud "you're safe, you're okay, nothing bad is happening right now." It's what I needed an adult to tell me when I was small and scared. Now I'm the adult. And I can tell myself.

meltypuddle6085 — Mar 7, 2026, 11:59 AM (edited)

Reparenting for me is stopping the negative self-talk before it spirals. I have a voice in my head that sounds exactly like my father — "stop being so sensitive," "what's wrong with you," "just get over it." When I catch it, I actively replace it with what I would say to my own child: "you're having a hard time, that's okay, let's figure out what you need." It feels fake at first. Like I'm lying to myself. But after a few years of doing it, the kind voice has gotten louder and the critical voice has gotten quieter.

mistyladybug3406 — Mar 8, 2026, 02:50 AM (edited)

Something practical that helped me: I made a list of specific things I needed as a child and didn't get. Not big things — small, concrete things. "Someone to ask me how my day was and actually listen." "Permission to leave a situation that was overwhelming." "Someone to make me food without making me feel guilty about it." Then I started doing those things for myself. It's clumsy and imperfect but it's more than I got before.

damppancake6343 — Mar 17, 2026, 02:29 AM (edited)

i tuck myself into bed. like, actually, physically, tuck the blankets around myself. and say "goodnight [my name], sleep well." i'm 29. it helps.

dreamysnail57689 — Mar 20, 2026, 02:02 PM (edited)

@overstimulated_owl I do this too. And I say "I love you" to myself. Out loud. It felt so stupid the first hundred times. Now it feels like truth.

dustysquirrellair07302 — Apr 25, 2026, 09:45 AM (edited)

I've started asking myself "what do you need right now?" when I feel bad, instead of just pushing through. And then I actually LISTEN to the answer. Sometimes it's water. Sometimes it's a blanket. Sometimes it's permission to stop doing the thing I'm struggling with. The asking itself is the reparenting — I was never asked as a kid.

loudcrayon420 — Apr 28, 2026, 09:48 AM (edited)

I let myself play. Without it being productive. Without it being "self-care" in a scheduled, optimized way. Just... play. Coloring, making up stories, building blanket forts. I was told play was a waste of time when I was a kid. Letting myself play now feels like rebellion and healing at the same time.

rainykiwiorchard565 — May 21, 2026, 06:53 AM (edited)

This is going to sound small but: I validate my own feelings. Out loud. "You're allowed to be angry about that." "It makes sense that you're scared." "That was unfair and you have a right to be upset." My parents dismissed or mocked my emotions constantly. Learning to tell myself my feelings are real and valid has been the hardest and most important reparenting work.

floatycloud4247 — May 28, 2026, 04:48 AM

i stopped making myself finish books i hate. and movies. and meals. i spent my whole childhood being told to "finish what's on your plate" and "you started it, you finish it." now if i'm not enjoying something, i stop. i put the book down. i turn off the movie. i throw away the food. i'm the adult and i decide.

floppycrayonnook4557 — Jun 26, 2026, 12:48 AM (edited)

i comfort myself physically when i'm upset. hand on my chest. rocking. wrapping my arms around myself. i used to just dissociate until the feeling passed. now i show up for myself.

The Unadulting Society

What does "reparenting yourself" actually look like in practice?

Replies (22)