The Unadulting Society

i got told to "act my age" for bringing a stuffed animal to a dental appointment. i was getting a ROOT CANAL. let me have my emotional support dragon.

@dino_nuggie_dad "visibly invested in winning" is SENDING ME. as if dads are supposed to just let their kids win with a detached smile?? no. the rainbow road rivalry is REAL.

My top three, in order of ridiculousness: 1. Using a nightlight ("you're 36, the dark won't hurt you") — I have night blindness but okay 2. Eating cereal for dinner ("that's a breakfast food") — it's carbs and milk, the time of day doesn't change its nutritional profile 3. Being excited about snow ("you're not a child") — snow is objectively exciting and I refuse to pretend otherwise

The "grow up" command is fascinating from a sociological perspective. It's almost never about actual maturity — it's about failing to perform adulthood correctly. The person playing Pokemon probably has a job and a 401k and pays taxes. The person using a sippy cup has an actual physical need. But because those choices don't LOOK like what we've decided adulthood looks like, they get policed. Mine: I was told to "grow up" for having a meltdown in an airport. I'm autistic. It was sensory overwhelm. I guarantee I wanted to not be having that meltdown more than the stranger who was annoyed by it.

someone told me to grow up because i use a sippy cup. i have tremors and it prevents spills but sure, jan, i'll just wear all my drinks instead.

my dad told me to grow up because i still have my childhood teddy bear. he said "you're a grown man." i said "a grown man who survived your parenting, this bear helped." he didn't have a comeback for that.

My mom told me to "act my age" because I was coloring in a coloring book in my own apartment, by myself, with the door closed. She saw it on my coffee table when she visited. Ma'am. I was not even coloring in front of you.

I got told to "grow up" for wearing ear defenders in a loud restaurant. I'd just been diagnosed and was trying an accommodation for the first time. The waiter actually rolled his eyes. I almost took them off and just suffered but my friend gave me a look that said "keep them on." Shoutout to friends who defend your accommodations.

i got told to grow up for eating lunchables. i am an adult with adult money and i will spend it on tiny crackers and processed cheese if i want to.

Someone once told me I needed to "grow up and get rid of those stuffed animals" because I was "never going to find a partner" with a bed full of Jellycats. Joke's on them — my partner not only accepts the Jellycats, she BUYS me Jellycats. The right people don't make you shrink yourself.

@plushie_protector "The right people don't make you shrink yourself." That's the whole thesis statement of this forum.

I want to add a layer here: the "grow up" command is often gendered. Women get told to "grow up" for liking things coded as childish (stuffed animals, cartoons, soft colors). Men get told to "grow up" for liking things coded as masculine-but-immature (video games, comic books). Non-binary and trans people get it from multiple angles. The common thread is: conform to my narrow idea of what a respectable adult looks like or face social punishment.

At 67, I can tell you: the "grow up" comments don't stop, but they do get more absurd. Last month a woman my age at church told me I should "dress more appropriately for a grandmother" because I was wearing colorful sneakers. Colorful sneakers! My feet are comfortable and I like the color pink. At what age exactly am I supposed to switch to beige?

i got told to "act my age" for bringing a stuffed animal to a dental appointment. i was getting a ROOT CANAL. let me have my emotional support dragon.

My top three, in order of ridiculousness: 1. Using a nightlight ("you're 36, the dark won't hurt you") — I have night blindness but okay 2. Eating cereal for dinner ("that's a breakfast food") — it's carbs and milk, the time of day doesn't change its nutritional profile 3. Being excited about snow ("you're not a child") — snow is objectively exciting and I refuse to pretend otherwise

I'm a 42-year-old father of two and my father-in-law told me I needed to "act my age" because I was playing Mario Kart with my kids and was visibly invested in winning. Sir, I was BEING A GOOD DAD. Participating in my children's interests is literally the most adult thing I could be doing.

@dino_nuggie_dad "visibly invested in winning" is SENDING ME. as if dads are supposed to just let their kids win with a detached smile?? no. the rainbow road rivalry is REAL.

someone told me to grow up because i use a sippy cup. i have tremors and it prevents spills but sure, jan, i'll just wear all my drinks instead.

The "grow up" command is fascinating from a sociological perspective. It's almost never about actual maturity — it's about failing to perform adulthood correctly. The person playing Pokemon probably has a job and a 401k and pays taxes. The person using a sippy cup has an actual physical need. But because those choices don't LOOK like what we've decided adulthood looks like, they get policed. Mine: I was told to "grow up" for having a meltdown in an airport. I'm autistic. It was sensory overwhelm. I guarantee I wanted to not be having that meltdown more than the stranger who was annoyed by it.

I got told to "grow up" for wearing ear defenders in a loud restaurant. I'd just been diagnosed and was trying an accommodation for the first time. The waiter actually rolled his eyes. I almost took them off and just suffered but my friend gave me a look that said "keep them on." Shoutout to friends who defend your accommodations.

my dad told me to grow up because i still have my childhood teddy bear. he said "you're a grown man." i said "a grown man who survived your parenting, this bear helped." he didn't have a comeback for that.

@the_raccoon_king RACCOON KING WITH THE CRITICAL HIT.

@the_raccoon_king that's an instant bingo win. no notes.

i got told to grow up for eating lunchables. i am an adult with adult money and i will spend it on tiny crackers and processed cheese if i want to.

Someone once told me I needed to "grow up and get rid of those stuffed animals" because I was "never going to find a partner" with a bed full of Jellycats. Joke's on them — my partner not only accepts the Jellycats, she BUYS me Jellycats. The right people don't make you shrink yourself.

I want to add a layer here: the "grow up" command is often gendered. Women get told to "grow up" for liking things coded as childish (stuffed animals, cartoons, soft colors). Men get told to "grow up" for liking things coded as masculine-but-immature (video games, comic books). Non-binary and trans people get it from multiple angles. The common thread is: conform to my narrow idea of what a respectable adult looks like or face social punishment.

@marzipan_dreams this is a really good point. the "pokemon is for kids" thing i got feels different as a woman than it would if i were a guy, i think. either way it's stupid, but the flavor of stupid is different.

@latebloomer_lydia "At what age am I supposed to switch to beige?" Lydia you are a treasure and I would read your entire memoir.

@latebloomer_lydia Wear the colorful sneakers FOR EVER. I'm 42 in dino-print socks right now and nobody can stop me.

This thread has me cackling. We should make an actual bingo card. "Told to grow up for: stuffed animals, video games, comfort food, clothing choices, emotional regulation needs, hobbies, joy." Free space: "someone who's clearly miserable telling you to be less happy."

@the_raccoon_king "someone who's clearly miserable telling you to be less happy" is the truest thing that's ever been said. i'm making the bingo card. watch this space.