The Unadulting Society

i think about this through my diorama lens a lot. the abandoned library i'm building — it's not really about books. it's about what happens to things when people leave them behind. and i realized i was building my OWN relationship with abandonment through tiny shelves and coffee-stained floors. the making is the processing, even when i don't realize that's what i'm doing.

This is absolutely a thing, and you're not alone. 💛 What you're describing sounds like structural dissociation — a spectrum that ranges from the "parts" we all have (work self vs. home self) to more separated states that develop in response to trauma. When a child experiences ongoing trauma, the brain sometimes compartmentalizes experiences that are too overwhelming to integrate. The "versions" are survival strategies: Work Me handles the outside world, Little Me holds the vulnerability, Angry Me holds the protective rage. They formed for good reasons. The goal isn't to eliminate any of them — it's to help them talk to each other. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is built around exactly this. But even without formal therapy, you can start by simply acknowledging each part: "I see you, Little Me. I know you're scared. You're allowed to be here." The parts don't need to merge — they just need to stop being strangers.

Structural dissociation is a well-documented trauma response and exists on a spectrum. On one end: the everyday "parts" most people experience. In the middle: the more compartmentalized states common in CPTSD. On the other end: DID/OSDD. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, it's a normal, adaptive response to overwhelming experiences. Your brain did exactly what it needed to do to survive. One thing that helped me: I gave each part a name and a "job description." Work Me's job is navigating the external world. Little Me's job is holding onto the capacity for softness and wonder. Angry Me's job is protecting the system from boundary violations. None of them are bad. None of them are mistakes. They each have a valid function. Framing them as a TEAM rather than as conflicting selves shifted something for me. Team Me. We're all trying to keep this person alive. We just need better internal communication.

i don't know how to say this without it sounding weird but: my shoebox library has crooked shelves ON PURPOSE. i could make them straight. i have a ruler. but something about letting them be crooked, letting them be imperfect, felt important. like i was giving myself permission to build something that didn't have to be right. maybe that applies to feelings too. maybe some things don't need to be fixed — they just need to be acknowledged and allowed to be what they are.