The Unadulting Society

i think about this through my diorama lens a lot. the abandoned library i'm building — it's not really about books. it's about what happens to things when people leave them behind. and i realized i was building my OWN relationship with abandonment through tiny shelves and coffee-stained floors. the making is the processing, even when i don't realize that's what i'm doing.

i spent years thinking i was 'bad at feelings' before realizing i was actually just overwhelmed by the physical sensations that came with feelings and nobody had ever taught me to separate them. 'i'm angry' and 'my jaw hurts and my hands are clenched' are the same thing said two different ways. but the second one gives me something i can actually DO something about.

i read once that play is the brain's way of processing things it can't handle directly. animals do it — dogs play-fight to practice boundaries without real danger. kids play house to process family dynamics. adults... we forgot how to play. but i think my miniatures and dioramas are play. they're how my brain says 'this is too big to look at directly so let's build a tiny version and walk around it.'

"It's just the internet" is one of the most gaslighting things you can say to a digital harassment survivor, and people who say it genuinely don't understand that the distinction between "online" and "offline" life hasn't existed for decades. My go-to response: "For me, the internet isn't 'just' anything — it's where my friends are, where my support system lives, and where people are currently trying to destroy my reputation and safety. If someone was spreading lies about you on a bulletin board at your workplace, you wouldn't say 'it's just a bulletin board.' The platform is different but the harm is real." If they still don't get it after that, the problem isn't your explanation. It's their willingness to understand.

I've started saying: "Imagine someone put a billboard outside your house with your photo, your name, and mean comments about your hobbies, and strangers driving by could see it 24/7. That's what's happening to me online. It's not 'just the internet.' It's public, it's permanent, and it's affecting my actual life." The billboard analogy usually lands because it translates digital exposure into a physical scenario they can visualize. Some people still won't get it. But the ones who do usually go quiet for a second and then say "oh." That's the oh of someone who just realized they've been minimizing something they didn't understand.