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Forum » Partner called my regression "a little weird" and now I can't stop thinking about it
Partner called my regression "a little weird" and now I can't stop thinking about it
Update from my earlier thread (thank you to everyone who gave advice, it really helped!). I had the conversation with my boyfriend about my age regression. I kept it simple, used "it helps my nervous system calm down" language, didn't overwhelm him with terminology. He listened, nodded, and then said:
"I mean, it's a little weird, but okay."
And I KNOW he meant it as acceptance. He wasn't being mean — he was saying "I accept this even though I don't fully get it." But I've been replaying the word "weird" in my head for two days now. I already struggle with feeling like there's something wrong with me. Hearing the person I love most confirm that it's "weird" — even gently — has me spiraling a little.
Am I overreacting? How do you handle it when the people you love are trying to be supportive but their words still sting?
Replies (12)
You're not overreacting. "Weird" hits differently when it's about something vulnerable you've just shared. It doesn't matter that he meant it kindly — your nervous system heard "you're abnormal" and reacted accordingly.
That said: "weird" IS the accurate word from his perspective. He's never encountered this before. It IS weird to him. The question isn't whether he finds it unusual — it's whether he can move from "weird" to "understood" over time. Some partners do. Some don't. But his initial "weird" reaction doesn't necessarily predict the endpoint.
My wife's first reaction was "I don't get it but if it helps you, okay." It wasn't "weird" but it was... lukewarm. It stung. I wanted enthusiasm or at least curiosity. What I got was tolerance.
But tolerance was a starting point, not the destination. Over months, she saw how much calmer I was after regression. She noticed I had fewer panic attacks. She started associating my "little time" with my well-being, not with weirdness. Now she'll remind me to take "quiet time" when she sees me getting overwhelmed. She still doesn't fully GET it — but she sees the evidence that it helps, and that's enough for her to support it.
Give him time to see the evidence. His words were clumsy, but his action — listening, not rejecting — was the important part.
@SoftSkyMarin "Your nervous system heard 'you're abnormal'" — yes, exactly. I logically understand what he meant but my body is still in protect mode.
my partner said "that's... not what i expected but okay" and i cried about it later. that was two years ago. last week he bought me a new coloring book without me asking. they learn.
Can I offer a gentle reframe? His response was "it's a little weird, but okay." The most important word in that sentence isn't "weird" — it's "okay." He's saying: I don't fully get this, AND I accept it. The acceptance is the part that matters.
That said, your feelings are valid. If you need more from him, you can ask. "Hey, I know you meant that kindly, but 'weird' landed a little hard for me. What I heard was 'abnormal,' and I know that's not what you meant. Could you tell me more about what you think about it now that you've had time to sit with it?" Opening the door for him to elaborate might give you the reassurance you need.
honestly "a little weird but okay" is kind of how i feel about most things my partner does. he collects vintage soda cans. i don't get it. it's a little weird. but okay. that's just... relationships.
You're not overreacting. "Weird" hits differently when it's about something vulnerable you've just shared. It doesn't matter that he meant it kindly — your nervous system heard "you're abnormal" and reacted accordingly.
That said: "weird" IS the accurate word from his perspective. He's never encountered this before. It IS weird to him. The question isn't whether he finds it unusual — it's whether he can move from "weird" to "understood" over time. Some partners do. Some don't. But his initial "weird" reaction doesn't necessarily predict the endpoint.
Something I've learned about non-regressors: they genuinely have NO frame of reference. Like, zero. Imagine if your partner told you they had a coping mechanism that involved, I don't know, standing on their head and humming for 20 minutes. You'd probably be like "...that's weird but okay." You wouldn't mean it as rejection. You'd just mean "I have no category for this yet."
That doesn't make the sting less real. But it might help to remember that "weird" can mean "unfamiliar" more than it means "wrong." You get to feel hurt AND you get to give him the benefit of the doubt. Both things can be true.
@lil_pawz "They learn." That's the whole thing right there.
Can I offer a gentle reframe? His response was "it's a little weird, but okay." The most important word in that sentence isn't "weird" — it's "okay." He's saying: I don't fully get this, AND I accept it. The acceptance is the part that matters.
That said, your feelings are valid. If you need more from him, you can ask. "Hey, I know you meant that kindly, but 'weird' landed a little hard for me. What I heard was 'abnormal,' and I know that's not what you meant. Could you tell me more about what you think about it now that you've had time to sit with it?" Opening the door for him to elaborate might give you the reassurance you need.
honestly "a little weird but okay" is kind of how i feel about most things my partner does. he collects vintage soda cans. i don't get it. it's a little weird. but okay. that's just... relationships.
@seashelleyes See? You're already reframing it. 💛 The first conversation is always the hardest. The second one gets easier. Your boyfriend listened, he didn't run away, and he said "okay." That's not a bad foundation. Keep talking. 💛
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