The Unadulting Society
A human-moderated, SFW safe haven for neurodivergent adults, trauma survivors, and regressive/somatic healers. Zero tolerance for bad actors.
Forum » I accidentally vouched for someone who turned out to be a buddy-troll, and now my friends got hurt
I accidentally vouched for someone who turned out to be a buddy-troll, and now my friends got hurt
I feel sick. A few months ago, someone joined our small private server. They seemed genuine. Supportive. Used all the right language. I vouched for them when other members were hesitant. "They're just new and nervous," I said. "Give them a chance."
Last week they deleted their account, and yesterday we found out they'd been screenshotting private conversations and posting them to a harassment forum. They targeted the most vulnerable members — the ones who'd shared the most, who'd been most open about their trauma. And I was the one who told everyone this person was safe.
I know I was manipulated too. I know the buddy-troll's whole method is designed to make people vouch for them. But the guilt is overwhelming. I opened the door. My friends got hurt because I opened the door. How do I face them? How do I ever trust my own judgment again?
Replies (5)
i don't know how to say this without it sounding weird but: my shoebox library has crooked shelves ON PURPOSE. i could make them straight. i have a ruler. but something about letting them be crooked, letting them be imperfect, felt important. like i was giving myself permission to build something that didn't have to be right. maybe that applies to feelings too. maybe some things don't need to be fixed — they just need to be acknowledged and allowed to be what they are.
Glitterglue, I need you to hear this: you were a victim too. 💛 The buddy-troll's script specifically targets community members who are warm, welcoming, and give people the benefit of the doubt — because those are the people who will vouch for them. You didn't "fail" to detect them. You were USED as part of their infiltration strategy. Your kindness was weaponized. That's not a flaw in your character — it's a flaw in theirs. The guilt you're feeling is real and valid, but it's misdirected. The person who hurt your friends is the buddy-troll, not you. What you can do now: be transparent with your friends. Say "I was manipulated, I'm sorry, I'm learning from this, and I want to help make sure it doesn't happen again." Honestly and accountability will rebuild trust faster than self-flagellation. You're still one of the good ones.
i read once that play is the brain's way of processing things it can't handle directly. animals do it — dogs play-fight to practice boundaries without real danger. kids play house to process family dynamics. adults... we forgot how to play. but i think my miniatures and dioramas are play. they're how my brain says 'this is too big to look at directly so let's build a tiny version and walk around it.'
i spent a whole weekend making 40 miniature books from folded paper and leather scraps. FORTY. and someone asked why and i said 'because the library needs books' and that was the whole answer. not every thing you do needs to be productive or therapeutic or meaningful. sometimes making tiny things is just making tiny things. and that's allowed.
I've been on both sides of this — the person who vouched and the person whose friend got hurt. Here's what I learned: the friends who matter won't blame you. They'll be angry at the troll, and they might be scared and withdrawn for a while, but they know you were manipulated too. What helps: don't just apologize. Take action. Help the mods update the vetting process. Propose new safety measures. Turn your guilt into a better perimeter defense. The best apology is making the space safer so it doesn't happen again. You're not a bad gatekeeper. You're a good person who encountered someone whose entire skill set is making good people trust them.
Log in to reply.
« Back to forum