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Forum » What's a stim you suppressed for years and are finally letting yourself do?
What's a stim you suppressed for years and are finally letting yourself do?
Since my diagnosis a few weeks ago, I've been doing this experiment where I notice when my body wants to do something and... let it? Instead of suppressing it because it looks "weird" or "childish" or "unprofessional"?
Turns out I've been suppressing a LOT. Hand flapping when I'm excited. Rocking back and forth when I'm thinking. Humming the same three notes over and over. I've been holding all of this in for 34 years and now that I'm letting it out, I feel... lighter? Looser? Like I've been tensing a muscle my whole life and just figured out how to relax it.
What's a stim you buried and brought back? How did it feel when you let yourself do it again?
Replies (12)
Welcome to the un-suppression journey! 💛 It's wild, right? Like discovering a whole language your body's been speaking that you've been telling it to shut up for decades.
Mine: rocking. I used to rock myself to sleep as a kid until my mom told me to "stop that, it's weird." I stopped. Thirty years later, I let myself rock while listening to music and I SOBBED. Not from sadness — from relief. My body had been asking for this for 30 years and I'd been saying no.
hand flapping. i suppressed it so hard i literally forgot i used to do it. my partner pointed out that i flap my hands when i see dogs and i was like "i do NOT" and then i noticed myself doing it and just... kept doing it. now i flap whenever i'm happy and it feels like my joy has an outlet instead of getting stuck in my chest.
i hum. the same three notes, over and over, like you said. it drives my partner crazy but it regulates me so perfectly. i used to only do it when i was alone. now i do it while i'm cooking and he's just learned to live with the constant three-note soundtrack of my life.
@overstimulated_owl The T-Rex arms!! I do this too and never had a name for it. It's so comfortable and so instantly clocked as "weird" by other people. Letting your arms just BE is a whole journey.
I've been letting myself do the "T-Rex arms" — holding my hands up near my chest, wrists limp. I used to catch myself doing it and immediately shove my hands in my pockets. Now I just... let them be there. It's such a small thing but it feels like permission.
i twirl things. pens, straws, string, anything i can spin. got yelled at so much in school. now i have a fidget ring that spins and i wear it everywhere and when people ask about it i say "it's jewelry" and don't elaborate. you don't owe anyone an explanation for how your body calms itself.
Is vocal stimming a thing? Because I've been making little "beep" and "boop" sounds when I'm alone and it feels AMA
Echolalia. Repeating words or phrases that feel good in my mouth. I suppressed it for years because people think it's weird to just say "cellar door" under your breath for no reason. But certain words have textures and some of them need to be spoken out loud. I stopped suppressing it around my partner and he just... doesn't react. Sometimes he echoes it back. That's when I knew he was safe.
@neuron_noodle "Words have textures" — YES. This is why I repeat movie quotes and song lyrics. Not for communication. For the mouth-feel.
I've been letting myself stroke soft textures. I carry a little piece of velvet in my pocket and when I'm overwhelmed I just... touch it. I used to hide things like this because it seemed childish. Now I know it's a stim and it's keeping me regulated and I don't have to hide it.
pressure stimming. i need to be squished. i lay under my weighted blanket and put a pillow on my chest and just... compress. used to think it was weird, now it's the most reliable way to calm my nervous system.
I'm still learning which things are stims vs. habits, but I've noticed I trace patterns on my palm with my finger when I'm anxious. I've done it for years without realizing. My grandmother used to do the same thing. I wonder if she was undiagnosed too.
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