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Forum » I bought my first LEGO set in 35 years and I'm not embarrassed anymore
I bought my first LEGO set in 35 years and I'm not embarrassed anymore
I posted in another thread that I was thinking about getting back into LEGO, and someone here encouraged me. So I did it.
I bought the LEGO Creator Expert Bookshop set. It's a modular building — two stories, a little townhouse attached to a bookstore, with a tree that changes color for the seasons. It took me three weekends to build.
I'm 47 years old and I sat at my kitchen table and followed picture instructions and sorted bricks by color and it was the most peaceful three weekends I've had in years.
When I was a kid, LEGO was my favorite thing. I had a bin of mixed bricks and I'd build spaceships and castles for hours. Then around age 12 someone — I don't even remember who — said 'aren't you too old for that?' and I stopped. Just like that. Put the bin in the attic and never touched it again.
Last month my daughter got diagnosed with autism. She's 14. The evaluator asked about my childhood and I kept saying 'well I did this, but that's normal' and she kept saying 'that's actually a textbook autism trait.' After the third time I went quiet. And then I said: 'I lined up my LEGO bricks by color and size before I started building. Is that...' and she just nodded.
So here I am. 47. Autistic. Building a LEGO bookstore at my kitchen table. And I'm not embarrassed anymore. I'm angry that I lost 35 years of doing something I loved because of one careless comment. But mostly I'm grateful that I found my way back.
What's something you loved as a kid that you stopped doing because someone told you it was childish? And — if you're open to sharing — have you reclaimed any of it?
Replies (9)
the ice cube trick. when everything is too much and i can't think and my brain is screaming — ice cube in each hand. just hold them. the cold is so specific and so localized that it pulls my brain out of the spiral and into my palms. it doesn't fix anything. but it stops the spiral long enough for me to breathe. that's all it needs to do.
Ben. This post is why we built this forum. I don't have anything clever to add. I just want you to know this was read and felt. Thank you for sharing it.
the thing about building tiny worlds is that you're the god of them. everything is exactly where you put it. nothing happens without your permission. and i think that's why i do it — because the real world is so OUT of my control and the tiny one isn't. maybe that's not escapism. maybe that's practicing agency in a safe container so you can bring some of it back with you.
I'm sitting here at my desk with tears in my eyes. The LEGO bricks sorted by color before building. The evaluator nodding. The 35 years. This is a beautiful and devastating post and I'm so glad you're here, building that bookstore.
I keep rereading this. 'Mostly I'm grateful that I found my way back.' That line. I lost my love of coloring for 20 years because a teacher told me I was 'too old for crayons.' I bought a coloring book last year and the first time I opened it, I cried. You're not alone in this.
one thing that helped me: noticing where emotions LIVE in my body. rage is in my jaw and shoulders. grief is in my chest, heavy like a weight. anxiety is in my stomach, fluttering. when i can name the physical location, i can do something physical for it — heat on the jaw, pressure on the chest, cold on the stomach. the emotion doesn't go away but the body gets some relief, and sometimes that's enough to keep going.
The 'aren't you too old for that' comment is a thief. It steals years. I'm so glad you got those three weekends back. And the bookstore set sounds incredible — does it have little tiny books inside??
I was 38 when I bought my first cast iron pan. My dad had always done the cooking and I'd convinced myself I was 'not a cooking person.' Turns out I just wasn't a 'cooking in my dad's kitchen with my dad watching' person. It's never too late to reclaim something. Welcome back to LEGO, Ben. The modular buildings are a rabbit hole — you're going to love it.
I don't really know how to respond to all of this except to say thank you. Genuinely. I was nervous about posting this and now I'm sitting here reading your replies and feeling less alone than I have in a long time. @hobby_graveyard_caretaker YES there are tiny books and a tiny cash register and a tiny chandelier. It's ridiculous and I love it.
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