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Forum » Two homes, no roots — what it's like splitting time after a divorce
Two homes, no roots — what it's like splitting time after a divorce
My marriage ended eight months ago. We split custody of the kids 50/50, which means I split my life 50/50 too. A toothbrush at both places. Half my clothes in one closet, half in another. Neither place feels fully like home.
The logistics are exhausting. Who has the kids on which holiday? Did I leave my laptop charger at the other house? Which address do I use for mail? My mail is scattered across two zip codes and I've lost at least three important documents.
But the peace is real. The marriage was hard. The silence in my own space — when the kids aren't here — is heavy but also healing. I'm learning to be alone again. I forgot how.
Anyone else navigating split homes? Divorce, separation, shared custody? How do you make a home when you're in two places at once?
Replies (6)
the thing about building tiny worlds is that you're the god of them. everything is exactly where you put it. nothing happens without your permission. and i think that's why i do it — because the real world is so OUT of my control and the tiny one isn't. maybe that's not escapism. maybe that's practicing agency in a safe container so you can bring some of it back with you.
okay so i'm gonna share something vulnerable: i built the abandoned library during a really hard period and i didn't realize until months later that i was building a place where things that were left behind still had value. the books were still on the shelves. the chairs were still waiting. nothing was destroyed, just... waiting. and that was about me. i was the library. i just didn't know it yet.
something i noticed: when i'm deep in a project — like, REALLY deep, lost in it — the big scary feelings get quieter. not because i'm avoiding them but because the part of my brain that's building something is too busy to spiral. it's not a solution but it's a break. and sometimes a break is enough to come back with clearer eyes.
I live in one vehicle but I understand the 'neither place feels fully like home' feeling. Home is where your stuff is and when your stuff is split across locations, home feels fractured. What helped me was having ONE object that moved with me — a journal, a mug, a blanket. Something constant.
my parents divorced when i was 12 and i lived between two houses for six years. now as an adult i over-pack for every trip because my body still remembers not having the right things in the right place. the split-home kid thing stays with you.
I moved 5 times in 3 years during my unhoused stretch. The constant uprooting does something to your sense of self. The toothbrush thing — having duplicates in multiple places — that's actually a survival adaptation. Don't judge yourself for it.
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