The Unadulting Society

something about weighted blankets: they're not just for sleep. i drape one over my shoulders while i'm sitting at my desk and it's like my nervous system says 'oh, we're being held, okay, we can stop bracing now.' the weight tells my body something my brain can't hear. physical pressure → nervous system response. it's that direct.

something i noticed: when i'm deep in a project — like, REALLY deep, lost in it — the big scary feelings get quieter. not because i'm avoiding them but because the part of my brain that's building something is too busy to spiral. it's not a solution but it's a break. and sometimes a break is enough to come back with clearer eyes.

the thing about building tiny worlds is that you're the god of them. everything is exactly where you put it. nothing happens without your permission. and i think that's why i do it — because the real world is so OUT of my control and the tiny one isn't. maybe that's not escapism. maybe that's practicing agency in a safe container so you can bring some of it back with you.

Supporting someone through active harassment is EXHAUSTING, and your burnout is not a sign that you don't care enough. It's a sign that you're human. 💛 Some boundaries that help: - **Scheduled support windows.** Instead of being on-call 24/7, say: "I can check in with you at 10am, 3pm, and 8pm. Between those times, I need to take care of myself so I can keep showing up for you." This gives her predictability and gives you recovery time. - **Task-based support.** Offer specific help instead of open-ended emotional availability. "I can screenshot the harassment thread for your documentation folder. I can make you dinner. I can sit with you and watch a movie so you're not alone." Concrete tasks are often more helpful than emotional processing, and they're less draining for you. - **Tap your own support network.** You need someone to process YOUR feelings about this with — someone who's not her. You can't process your distress about her harassment WITH her. That's what your own support people are for. - **Know your redline.** If supporting her is genuinely destabilizing your own mental health, it's okay to step back. "I love you and I can't be your primary support for this right now. Here's a list of crisis resources and other people who've offered to help." Saying no to being someone's everything is not abandonment. It's sustainability.

seconding the task-based support. when i was being hunted, the most helpful thing anyone did was bring me groceries. didn't ask how i was feeling. didn't make me talk about it. just showed up with food and left. emotional support is important but practical support is what kept me alive.

Supporting someone through active harassment is EXHAUSTING, and your burnout is not a sign that you don't care enough. It's a sign that you're human. 💛 Some boundaries that help: - Scheduled support windows. Instead of being on-call 24/7, say: "I can check in with you at 10am, 3pm, and 8pm. Between those times, I need to take care of myself so I can keep showing up for you." This gives her predictability and gives you recovery time. - Task-based support. Offer specific help instead of open-ended emotional availability. "I can screenshot the harassment thread for your documentation folder. I can make you dinner. I can sit with you and watch a movie so you're not alone." Concrete tasks are often more helpful than emotional processing, and they're less draining for you. - Tap your own support network. You need someone to process YOUR feelings about this with — someone who's not her. You can't process your distress about her harassment WITH her. That's what your own support people are for. - Know your redline. If supporting her is genuinely destabilizing your own mental health, it's okay to step back. "I love you and I can't be your primary support for this right now. Here's a list of crisis resources and other people who've offered to help." Saying no to being someone's everything is not abandonment. It's sustainability.