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Forum » Things I Used to Be Embarrassed About That I Now Love Fiercely
Things I Used to Be Embarrassed About That I Now Love Fiercely
Growth is realizing that the things you hid in middle school are actually the best things about you. What's something you used to be embarrassed about that you now embrace?
For me: talking to my stuffed animals. I spent years thinking it was weird and childish. Now I realize it's just... thinking out loud. Barnaby has heard all my best ideas and worst anxieties. He's basically a very soft, very patient therapist who works for free.
Replies (7)
crying easily. i used to be so ashamed of it. now i realize it's just my body's way of processing things. if something sad or beautiful or overwhelming happens and i cry, that's not weakness. that's having a functional emotional release valve. i'm not fragile, i'm just well-hydrated.
my handwriting. it's genuinely terrible. like, doctors look at it and go "yikes." i used to be so embarrassed in school. now i think it's kind of iconic. nobody can forge my signature because nobody can READ it. built-in security.
being really into stickers. i'm an adult with a sticker collection and i used to think that was embarrassing. now i put stickers on my laptop, my water bottle, my journal, my mail. stickers are just tiny affordable art. why was i ever embarrassed about this. stickers are joy.
my laugh. it's loud and kind of snorty and i used to try to suppress it. now i just let it out. if someone makes me laugh hard enough to honk, that's a compliment. the honk is a gift. the honk is a review. five stars.
okay so i'm gonna share something vulnerable: i built the abandoned library during a really hard period and i didn't realize until months later that i was building a place where things that were left behind still had value. the books were still on the shelves. the chairs were still waiting. nothing was destroyed, just... waiting. and that was about me. i was the library. i just didn't know it yet.
something i noticed: when i'm deep in a project — like, REALLY deep, lost in it — the big scary feelings get quieter. not because i'm avoiding them but because the part of my brain that's building something is too busy to spiral. it's not a solution but it's a break. and sometimes a break is enough to come back with clearer eyes.
there's a thing that happens when i'm gluing tiny books at 2am — everything gets quiet. not the bad quiet, the peaceful quiet. and i think it's because my hands know what to do even when my brain doesn't. the hands have a plan. the hands don't need therapy. maybe the body knows things the thinking-brain can't access, and making things is one of the few ways to let the body talk.
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